Jail or free-wheeling inbreeding

trapped in a life too small
always wanting something
he cannot quite name
cannot quite touch
he doesn't admit he's lonely
but entertained does not equal loved
he deserves to be free
but will not fly
because he doesn't know
he has wings.


Untitled

seeing life through your eyes
one brown, one blue
eyes that have seen hurtful things
but have not filtered out beauty
through cynicism
turning the world to a dull grey.
i wish i had her eyes
one brown, one blue

a million miles away
from everyone i know
every one i love
faces just a memory
voices distant on the line

a trail of broken hearts
a trail of broken dreams
lie in my wake
oh, i've never truly done

the right thing
at the right time
i'm right here
in need of Your grace
when the right words
and the right feelings
escape me
that's where i find You
that's where i find You
that's where i find You
in this place

will i ever learn to love?
will i always run
will i always leave
have i ever really let
myself get so close?

can i ever know
will i ever want
to figure out how
i've never really learned

the right thing
at the right time
i'm right here
in need of Your grace
when the right words
and the right feelings
escape me
that's where i find You
that's where i find You
that's where i find You
in this place

and i will never attain
such perfection
that gains me a place at Your feet
but Your grace flows down like water
or blood
and covers over me
giving me

the right thing
at the right time
i'm right here
in need of Your grace
when the right words
and the right feelings
are standing in front of me
that's where i find You
that's where i find You
that's where i find You
in this place

i thought i'd post some of my old lyrics/ poetry just because someone might enjoy it.

Groceries

I don't remember
saying come in
when i heard you knock
did you pick the lock?
and my mind is racing
with the thought
did i leave the stove on
or did i not?

so can you help me here
with these very heavy bags
i'm bringing them in
please set them on the floor
i think that some of these are yours
take them please
and when you leave
please lock the door

i'm dying trying hard to figure out
who let you in
was it a sin?
and i'd ask you to leave
but i know you'd be offended
and i'm filled with dread

so can you help me here
with these very heavy bags
i'm bringing them in
please set them on the floor
i'm sure that some of these are yours
take them please
and when you leave
please lock the door


Whiny Baby

analyze this
debrief that
let me talk talk talk till my mouth gets dry
my life is so important
care for me, coddle me
but don't take it upon yourself
to say to me that there's

something bigger than myself
bigger than my eyes
bigger than my brain
oh there's something bigger than myself
bigger than my tears
bigger than my pain

i've been here
ive been there
and i'll walk walk walk till my feet fall off
everybody leaves me
let me cry, let me die
but don't take it upon yourself
to say to me that there's

something bigger than myself
bigger than my eyes
bigger than my brain
oh there's something bigger than myself
bigger than my tears
bigger than my pain

no matter what you say
i can't go my own way
no matter how i try
selfish pride rules my life
but there is...

something bigger than myself
bigger than my eyes
bigger than my brain
oh there's something bigger than myself
bigger than my tears
bigger than my pain


Shelter


all my imperfections
that are there constantly
are hidden in the shadow of Your wings

whenever i rise
whenver i sleep
i will abide
in the shelter of Your wings
cause You are still God
and i'm still just me
and i need You constantly

in the shelter of Your wings
I will rise
in the shelter of Your wings
I will abide
In the shelter of Your wings
I will be made holy
in the shelter of Your wings
right by Your side

You alone can save me
You alone can set me free
I can dance like a child again
in the shadow of your wings

whenever i rise
whenver i sleep
i will abide
in the shelter of Your wings
cause You are still God
and i'm still just me
and i need You constantly

in the shelter of Your wings
I will rise
in the shelter of Your wings
I will abide
In the shelter of Your wings
I will be made holy
in the shelter of Your wings
right by Your side

Beautiful

You're breaking my heart
oh precious daughter of mine
you look into the mirror
you don't see what you wanted to find
you cry at your reflection, that hurts
because you're a reflection of Me

Beautiful daughter
don't count your worth in photographs
or in sequined gowns
in bottles or in perfume
don't count your worth in diamonds or gold
beautiful daugher
beautiful daughter
beautiful daughter
you're worth My life to Me

don't compare yourself to
the rest of the world for
apples and oranges
you and they are
you heard My voice when
the beauty of the world
turned its face
you heard Me then
now hear Me when I say

Beautiful daughter
don't count your worth in photographs
or in sequined gowns
in bottles or in perfume
don't count your worth in diamonds or gold
beautiful daugher
beautiful daughter
beautiful daughter
you're worth My life to Me

if beauty is skin deep indeed
somehow I find
beauty inside your heart
stop tearing down your temple
and know that you're my bride

Beautiful daughter
don't count your worth in photographs
or in sequined gowns
in bottles or in perfume
don't count your worth in diamonds or gold
beautiful daugher
beautiful daughter
beautiful daughter
you're worth My life to Me

after tomorrow
i will be alright
after tomorrow
i won't wonder anymore
it's gotta be tomorrow
when i find out, right?
tomorrow all my fears will go

after tomorrow
maybe i won't be scared
after tomorrow
i can be brave
it's gotta be tomorrow
when i do this, right?
tomorrow i can take a break

after tomorrow
i can put down this sword
after tomorrow
i can tend to my own wounds
it's gotta be tomorrow
when i feel this, right
tomorrow cannot come too soon

something tells me i'm in waiting
something tells me it won't be long
something tells me just to hold out
for tomorrow brings with it
a hope a peace
an end to all my selfishness
a time where i can finally see
that tomorrow
i will still be me.

without the wind blowing
is the air still there?
is it any wonder that i'm curious?
it hasn't been blowing much lately
and if i were to breathe,
would i exhale
or hold on to what i found there
not knowing if i tried again
that i could find more
but holding my breath doesn't do much
not for my heart
not for my mind
not for those who want to hear me
but what i know seems small
and what i feel seems wrong
and what i hear is You
as you call to me
and you say
just breathe


there isn't much that i can tell anyone about breathing. i don't know how it all works. i do, however, know what it feels like to worry if you will be able to again. when your throat closes up you experience this moment of wondering "if i exhale, can i take it back in, and if i can't, will i die?" it's only happened to me once, but finding the truth, the right thing to do in that moment is merely a survival gut instinct. that's where i'm at today. i wonder if i should hold my breath, savor it, cherish what i've already got, or just breathe it out, trusting that someone who cares about my life will provide that next breath. one fact remains: if i'm holding my breath, i'm not speaking, pouring, working, being a viable part of anything outside my own lungs. i wish that i would rather risk the suffocation in an effort to be that. i'm just not sure i trust enough just yet. the beautiful sound of someone calling me to breathe just may win me over though.

i've never actually burst into tears while putting up my groceries before tonight.



I arrived home from the supermarket, muttering under my breath about the high price of the atkins diet and the food i had to buy for it. i opened the pantry to put away my groceries and was flooded with emotion, and had to cry.

as i opened the door, bitter because i'd just spent about a hundred bucks to do a diet i'm ONLY on because i ate way too much and made myself fat. immediately the Holy Spirit brought something to my remembrance.

a group from my church has been going to work at a school/orphanage in honduras for a few years now. there is a little boy there who, when found by the people who run the place, had been working to raise money to buy food for his six brothers and sisters. he had not had enough for himself to eat. he ate dirt. when they found him, he was yellow and completely eaten up with disease. this was a few years ago. he has still not fully recovered.

i stood there remembering this boy and i just had to cry. i didn't cry because i felt guilty. i didn't even really cry because i am so selfish and ungrateful (although i truly am). i cried because i am so blessed. i am blessed beyond measure. i have an incredible family, wonderful friends, a kick-tail job, and very comfortable living conditions. i'm healthy, happy, and live in abundance. sure, it' s America. i have a "right" to complain when the gas is expensive, when the protein bars only come in 4 packs, rather than 6 packs, in the flavor i like best. but you know what... i don't have to exercise that right. what a freeing feeling. the right to ignore my rights. that's what surrender is. God is just awesome like that.