Jail or free-wheeling inbreeding

Tonight I was watching a documentary on A&E about Skinheads and the KKK. I was watching it the way that one watches a car wreck. You don’t want to see anything bad, but curiosity holds your eyes bound to it. You hope not to see anything grotesque, and yet, you know that you most likely will.

I listened to the hatred and anger in their voices and was forming judgmental thoughts about their ignorance and hate. I saw them sharing their beliefs on the street. I heard the people trying to reason with them, and I watched these hateful activists ignore all logic and reason.

The kids on here, maybe fifteen years old, with a parent-shaped hole in their hearts, evidenced by their conversations and actions, filling that space with some pied piper of a skinhead leader. My anger rose and I was close to angry tears watching this man manipulating these runaways.

Then they showed the KKK/Skinhead unification rally. A Klansman was speaking about why they stand for the same thing and explaining that the shaving of the heads was a purification of the “Zionist-led” government oppression. Then he spoke hateful words. Hateful words that I didn’t even bother to remember. I was so very angry. I found myself thinking hateful thoughts against the people for the way they represented Southerners and white people. I found myself thinking hateful thoughts because of the way that they represented humans.

Then they raised the cross. The Klansmen marched around and pledged allegiance to it with their torches and lit it on fire. I was dumbfounded. I know that they have burned crosses for centuries. I’ve even seen pictures or videos of it.

The tears finally came as I heard them begin singing around this burning symbol of hatred.

“On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross,
The emblem of suffering and shame;
And I love that old cross where the dearest and best
For a world of lost sinners was slain.
So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross,
Till my trophies at last I lay down;
I will cling to the old rugged cross,
And exchange it some day for a crown.”

I just sat, head in hands, and wept. I wept for the misunderstanding of these people. I wept for the hatred I saw in these people. I wept because they just didn’t get it. I wept and prayed a prayer that SHOCKED me, “God, please forgive them. Show them the truth.”
They didn’t play the whole hymn, but in my mind I heard the last verse, “In that old rugged cross/ stained with blood so divine/A wondrous beauty I see/ For ’twas on that old cross Jesus suffered and died/ To pardon and sanctify me.”
It occurred to me that I don’t get it either. I can pray for Jesus to forgive these men of their egregious sins, apparent to all, and yet, I cannot forgive friends and family whom I love. My own sin of unforgiveness, and I don’t like to admit it, but ignorance and occasionally even hatred, don’t stand out with as much impact as a burning cross set to a beautiful hymn, but they are still very present in my heart.
It was then that I felt a profound, but very true, emotion: humility. I am humbled to admit that in my unforgiveness and anger, I am no different from these angry, young men who burn the symbol of all that is Holiness and Grace.
God, I pray that today I will be forgiven for my unforgiveness. Please allow the same grace that brings my forgiveness to bring the knowledge of who You are to these men who are so blinded by their hatred and anger. In the words of our Lord, Jesus Christ:
Our Father, Who art in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy name. Thy Kingdom come; Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us. Lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil. For Thine is the Kingdom, the Power, and the Glory forever and ever. Amen.

It's official. I am finished with my first Masters level course. I exempted my final and got an A! I have a 4.0... Baby steps...

Yeah, so there's that.

Also, my first big research project and presentation earned me a 95. Given the fact that if I had graded it, I'd have given it an 85, I'd say that's pretty good. I've heard that she's the hardest professor there, so if I can do that, I can do anything.

Sorry, I just have to pat myself on the back a little b/c I worked so hard!

New Hair Cut!


From the side:


I got it cut at Rocket Salon in Athens. Yeah, it was my first experience at a Salon/Tattoo parlor, but they did a great job! It was just what I wanted. Ask for Holly!

So my dog begs. There, I said it. I'm no Dog Whisperer, but I usually am a fairly good trainer. Not with Kitty, though.

It used to be strictly when we are at the table. She'd stand on her two back legs, plop on her hiney, and beg in this adorable sitting position. I mean, who can resist that? It's innocent. Dog sees food, Dog wants food. Right?

Wrong! She is manipulative. She's been doing this little adorable move for months now, and it's been entertaining (only slightly less entertaining than when she is humping her stuffed piggy). Over the last week or so I've noticed that she is using this little posture for more than just food begging.

Kitty sleeps in a little doggy bed on the floor beside our bed, and she usually jumps up to cuddle with Matt in the morning time. Honing in on my action, but whatever... Anyhow, Matt informed me that some mornings he'll roll over and there she is. On her haunches. Begging. Silly Dog.

The other day she started using the begging position to get me to remove the laptop from my lap so that she could sit on me.

Yesterday I saw her through the glass patio door, on her haunches begging, as I entered the apartment. She wanted in.

It's like she knows she's precious and is using it to her best advantage.

Queen Kitty is really starting to rule the household. God help us when we have kids who do adorable things to get their way. We're such pushovers.

In case you were wondering, here is what she looks like. I mean, seriously, you'd have to have a very cold heart to resist this:

41 needle pokes later, I know officially that I am allergic to the following: dust, dust mites, feathers, cats, two types of mold, two types of tree pollen, and two types of weeds, including ragweed.

I finally went to the allergist because I had five sinus infections during the school year this year, and it was time I did something about it. I had to go buy mattress cover, pillow covers, and nose spray.

My reaction to dust mites was so severe that the doc said that I should immediately move to a house with no carpet, not have curtains and have a leather couch. Yeah, that'll happen soon...

He also pulled out Matt's lifelong file, which was approximately two and a half inches thick (not exaggerating), waved it in front of my face, and said, "Let me know when you find out that you are expecting... I feel sorry for your poor kids' sinuses..."

I'm supposed to try the changes and see him again in the fall. He says it will help me to cover the mattress and pillows, but that I'll probably still need to start allergy shots in the fall. I'll do anything to feel better! He wants to also take an x ray of my sinuses to make sure that there isn't another problem going on in there.

I also got good news about my ibuprofin/aspirin/aleve allergy. There is another anti-inflammatory that I may be able to take. The doc is going to let me take one and sit around the office for a few hours to make sure that I'm not going to have a reaction to it. That will be the best thing because after a while, Tylenol doesn't work anymore, so headaches and cramps (sorry guys), etc. are hell on earth for me. So yay! :) Pray that I'll be able to take the other medicine!

Oh well. At least now I won't always be tired and feeling icky. I was really worried that I had severe depression or chronic fatigue syndrome. Turns out that it was my allergies to my bed. I think now I'll finally be able to rest at night and wake up feeling good. Yay!!!